WARNING : Contains Emotional Outpouring as a Result of Too Much WORK!!!!

Nice title?

Well it's about right, too. I'm tired, I'm fully up to my eyeballs in work and I'm angry.

Angry at myself for being a fatty-fatty boomsticks, angry at the female gender for being my friends and angry at God for playing a cruel joke on me. I probably should be beginning one of the three assignments I have due in a few weeks but this is like therapy. But bucketloads cheaper. Kind of like when you scream or cry into your pillow. You just have to get it out.

First of all I'm angry because of my fat bum, bulging belly and stupid life that won't let me lose weight. I'm a large build, 6'3" and I weigh 125kg. I don't look hugely fat but am still 35-40kgs heavier than I should be. I've been unable to do any excercise at all until a few days ago due to the stitches in my back (which are now out, thankfully). I have a problem with losing weight. I have a very irregular schedule due to uni mainly, which involves recording sessions at all hours of the days and nights. This means that regular excercise is a bit hard to do, as is regular healthy eating. If I had a regular job or didn't live 70 minutes from uni (where I am everyday) it wouldn't be a problem, but my schedule is such that I eat when I can and whatever's easiest. I've been making a better go of it in the last month, picking sushi or subbers where possible, but my weight seems to hover around 120kg to 125kg. Now that I have room, I'll probably pull out the TotalGym thing again and just do excercises on that of an evening when I'm bored. Which happens quite frequently.

Now my problems with girls runs like this : Girls are completely irrational. I exploon this profundity bee-low.

1) I don't want to go out with someone unless I am friends with them. That would suck and be pointless.
2) Because I am not trying to crack onto my female friends the moment I meet them, they file me in "friends" category.
3) When I do develop feelings for someone because I like who they are and stuff, a problem presents itself.

Because I didn't try to pick up on them within our first three encounters, they think of me as "friend" material.

Many girls, and I see this a lot, seem to be idiots. Feminists love saying that men think with their schlongs. I think many women don't think at all. They go out with someone they have nothing in common with because "he makes me feel {insert sensation here}". Despite the fact that the guy could be (and more often than not is) a complete tool. So they go with with people they wouldn't be friends with.

Don't get me wrong : I don't have the hots for all my female friends. But I do prefer to get to know someone outside of the "expectations" contained within a "romantic" setting. It means that when I hold off my "Wow! She's hot!" instincts and actually get to know someone I haven't gotten into a situation where I might have to break something up when I realise, "Yeah, she's hot. But she smokes like a chimney and believes in drinking goatsblood, posthumous intercourse and voting democrat. I have nothing in common with her and she's not really someone I want to be friends with."

So I am forever destined to be in the "friends" folder. Which, while it's nice to have so many platonic female friends, is getting quite frustrating.

And God's joke? Well God is a relational God, and he created us in his image, so we are relational people.

What good is it being a relational being if no-one wants to have a relationship with you?

Now, realise that I'm tired, have had 3 hours sleep in as many days, and probably don't make any sense at all, but this is what I'm thinking at the moment. And it's some kind of therapy. Even if I did fleetingly consider gendercide.